Well in case it wasn’t enough to walk around the hood and ask dudes if they want to buy guns, or snatch their phones, or say “What Up Neighbor”. These fucking idiots took it to a Whole new level. Stepping on dudes Jordan’s!! Man you could slap these dude mom’s and get away with it before you can step on their J’s. Every single time they get their ass kicked. I don’t know how much $$ these kids make by making these videos but Shit. Hope its enough to pay for their funerals. I can’t believe they have made it this far. Stepping on a Brotha’s J’s…that just suicidal.
Aside from the third trimester abortion against the Texans and losing Sam Baker for the entire year (which might not actually be a bad thing), this is a damn good episode.
The first ten minutes of the show looked more like a medical documentary than a show about football. Marquis Spruill apparently signed a waiver allowing HBO to film his ACL surgery, and holy shit did they ever invade his space. In a scene not for the weak stomach, the cameras get up close and personal, cleaning shit out of the knee, screwing shit in the knee, and grafting skin to cover shit on the knee. It was fucking sick.
Some boring footage of Steven Jackson in the pool and Kroy Biermann dipping comes next, but what followed afterwards was flat out shocking: Defensive line coach Bryan Cox has a 30 year old daughter.
Bryan Cox is 46.
“I told you, I started fucking when I was 10,” Cox said defiantly, as he scolded one player for following his daughter on Instagram.
Next, Falcons fans finally get some footage of their beloved Julio Jones and Matt Ryan, who actually drops several F-bombs in this episode and even tells a dirty joke.
The Falcons then traveled to Houston to practice with and play a preseason game against the Texans. The game itself was awful, with the Birds getting their asses handed to them. Starting left tackle Sam Baker tore his patellar tendon and is out for the season.
Some other highlights:
- Jake Matthews is the real fucking deal. He took on JJ Watt in practice and held his own. Fuckin stud.
- William Moore has decent freestyle skills.
- Harry Douglas, despite his horrible bowling technique in which he throws the ball about 10 feet in the air, with spin, appears to be a damn good bowler.
- TJ Yates doesn’t know the playbook worth a shit, but everyone in the Texans organization loves him.
- Devonta Freeman continues to look like a legitimate starting running back in the NFL.
- Mike Smith still wears awful sandals
First Reports are looking like a Suicide.
These all happen in 3’s right? Who’s the next 2 to kick the bucket? Please let it be Justin Bieber!!!
Ranking my Robin Williams top 5
1. Good Will Hunting – Best Role He’s Ever Had
2. Aladdin – Perfect Voice for the Genie
3. Good Morning Vietnam – Put him on the map
4. Hook – Loved the Movie
5. One Hour Photo – Creepy as fuck
Peyton and Eli are back at it again, straight murdering the rap game. I’d rather listen to them than half the shit out there right now. Fantasy, Fantasy, Football Fantasy!!! Eli is a fucking stiff though. Damn he’s just awkward. Got a CJ2K and Broadway Joe cameo too.
As for this Fantasy Football channel, I don’t really give a fuck. Nothing beats the RedZone Channel, PERIOD!!
Editor’s Note: This post is written by a lifelong Falcons fan and will be biased.
Summary: The first episode began by featuring a series of players, almost all of whom are very insignificant, and the journeys they took to get to training camp. As predicted, Kroy Biermann and his whore “reality star” wife Kim Zolciak were filmed. Once everyone gets to camp, football begins, Steven Jackson makes a speech to the other running backs, and then promptly pulls his hammy. The narrator takes some time to introduce the coaching staff, Mr. Blank, and Thomas Dimitroff. Oklahoma drills, set to EDM music ensue. HBO then has a nice juxtaposition between William Moore and rookie Devonta Freeman by featuring Moore’s gaudy Atlanta mansion next to footage of Freeman looking for a cheap-ass tiny apartment. The team plays a scrimmage at an Atlanta area high school on a Friday night; Matty, Roddy, and Julio all look good. Second Rounder Ra’Shede Hageman gets his ass kicked all scrimmage and looks out of shape. The episode ends with Smitty telling the team that “a lot of mistakes were made [during the scrimmage], but the effort was great.”
Highlights: There are many fights during camp – Biermann takes his frustration out on first rounder Jake Matthews when he can’t get around him during practice, Joe Hawley goes after rookie Jaques Smith. Smitty’s reaction to Jackson’s injury is priceless. Without saying so, he seems to be saying, “yep, that piece of shit is hurt again.” New OL and DL coaches Mike Tice and Bryan Cox are intense. Roddy talks a lot of shit to Willy Mo during practice.
Surprises: Steven Jackson paints pictures. Matt Ryan drives a Benz. Mike Smith wears awful sandals (see pic above). 2009 First Round Pick Peria Jerry retires. Everyone is shocked. When asked by Mike Smith if he has a plan, Jerry responds, “I’m probably gonna just work, do something with my family. Imma figure it out.” Great plan dude. Sounds like you’ve really thought this through.Your career was garbage.
Commentary: Just as I suspected, the Falcons are pretty boring and HBO tries pretty hard to make the team interesting. I love it. Can’t wait for episode 2.
Falcons fans wealthy enough to afford HBO can get a sneak peak into the 2014 season starting tonight.
But Hard Knocks has a way of bringing out the worst in a team. Just ask Antonio Cromartie. Maybe this year fans will be treated to Matt Ryan pissing in a hot tub, or Julio Jones being a complete asshole to teammates, or Mike Smith treating Flowery Branch like his own slave plantation . . .
Let’s be honest. Nothing cool will happen. Kroy Biermann and his wannabe reality star wife will get plenty of air time, but that’s about it.
Nevertheless, I’ll be providing a recap after each episode, and maybe my HBO Go user name and password to one lucky reader.
This video is well worth the 7 minutes. The Hot Crazy Matrix is on point. When I have a son, forget talking the Bird’s and the Bee’s, I’m breaking out this video and making him watch it. The “No Go Zone” is 100%. Too bad most of us guys have crossed that line but hopefully if was a Slump Busting situation or we had some serious beer goggles on. When dude got to the “Danger Zone” I lost it. Red Heads, Strippers, girls named Tiffany, and Hair Dressers. And watch out for those Tranny’s fellas.
Yeah I know we’ve all seen the GoPro videos of people doing crazy shit. Sky Diving, Cliff Jumping, Mountain Biking that make us all say, Holy Shit!! This wasn’t quite as extreme as some others but I was just as impressed. Not only did he drop 20 feet or so, but he did it into a slide, onto a sloped roof top, off the roof to the spiral metal staircase, and stick the fucking landing. Props Bro!! Pretty bad ass for a douchey parkour thing. I don’t have the balls to jump over a puddle.
At first I was like poor guy, what a terrible beat. Then I thought, Fuck That. If you can afford a Million Dollar Buy in tourney it probably doesn’t matter. Sure any bad beat in poker will make you fucking sick, but fuck this guy. He’s a professional poker player. I have no sympathy for him. I’m sure he’s taken just a much money from others on worse hands. I’d feel worse for the Average Joe who bets his kids college fund on a hand like this and loses. Because the Average Joe would probably leave the table and go hang himself. This guys probably just went to the closest buffet and ate away his sorrows and entered the next high stakes tournament he could find.
Happy Monday!! This should brighten the start to the work week. I mean shit, she didn’t die so she is fair game to make fun of right? I personally laughed my ass off when I saw the video. I know most normal people would be like “Oh My God that poor girl. I hope she’s okay”. Nope not me. My first though was “OH SHIT!!! She just went Greg Louganis off the high dive. Dumb ass Chick. BAHAHAHAHA”.