4th in the East: MISSOURI TIGERS
Mizzou shocked pretty much everyone last season by winning the SEC East. If they repeat this year, I’ll shit a fucking brick. The Tigers lost A LOT on D, a 3 year starter at QB, and stud receiver. Luckily for Missouri, that 3 year starting QB, James Franklin, was often injured. This gave now Starting QB Matty Mauk some good experience. Mauk will put up some really good numbers this season even without their best WR. Dorial Green Beckham is a great talent but a serious fucking knucklehead. He is now Oklahoma’s problem. Missouri will be in the middle of the pack this season in the SEC. How about these Lineman Twerking at Practice? Insert your own Michael Sam joke.
PREDICTION: 8-4 (4-4 in SEC)
4th in the West: LSU TIGERS
This was a tough one for me. It was between LSU and Ole Miss for the 3 and 4 spot. I just have a feeling this will a down year for the Tigers. They lost a 3,000 yard passer, 1400 yard rusher, and 2 1100 yard receivers to the NFL. That’s a kick to the balls. You don’t just bounce back from that. Even with the top RB recruit in Leonard Fournette, who will be a stud. It’s 2 weeks before the season starts and they still don’t know who will start at QB. They will still win the games they are suppose to especially at home. But I think they struggle against Bama, Auburn, and on the road at Ole Miss and Florida. I would love to play for Les Miles btw. Watch the video below. He just got me fucking pumped sitting on my couch writing this. Makes me want to run through a wall. Nah I’m just gonna stay my lazy ass on the couch. Les will need a lot of these speeches to work this season in a tough West.
PREDICTION: 8-4 (4-4 in SEC)
Episode 2 of Hard Knocks was much better than Episode 1. No Steven Jackson, no Kroy Biermann, no bullshit distraction stories – just football.
The episode took a unique turn from the start. Longshot fullback and former Kent State defensive lineman Roosevelt Nix-Jones was cut within the first 2 minutes of the show. Watching players get cut on Hard Knocks is never fun, and this one was no different. Although Nix-Jones took it like a professional, word of his departure quickly spread throughout camp, and players were visibly shaken by the message – shit just got real.
Next, HBO ran a feature on Falcons General Manager Thomas Dimitroff. Instead of slow motion shots of TD making phone calls in his office, reviewing paperwork, or scouting players, HBO opted to show 5 minutes worth of Dimitroff riding his mountain bike on trails in the fucking forest. The set ultimately culminated with older footage of him and Lance Armstrong shredding through the mountains of Aspen, elephant walking, injecting themselves with steroids, and then shaving each others pubes in a hot tub.
The Tennessee Titans came to town for a practice. Mike Smith told the team that anyone caught fighting would be kicked out of practice and fined. Joe Hawley immediately gets in a fight and is booted. Smitty later admitted that because he was standing up for a teammate, Hawley had committed a “fucking good penalty.”
The “fun” part of the episode came next when Ra’shede Hageman and fellow rookie Marquis Spruill went to the Atlanta aquarium to swim with the whale sharks. Fortunately, there was a wet suit large enough to fit Hageman. Spruill promptly tore his ACL the next day. Fuck.
The end of the episode featured last Friday’s preseason game against the Dolphins. Rookies Hageman and Prince Shembo looked great. Matty Ice had an 18-play touchdown drive. Rookie running back Devonta Freeman had nearly 100 yards in the second half, and white trash long shot Tyler Starr got to play near the end of the game. HBO loves Starr – the long haired, tatted up, 7th round pick from South Dakota, along with his fiancee and young son, get plenty of air time.
The show ended with defensive line coach Bryan Cox smoking cigars with a few assistant coaches, talking about the game.