Forbes Names Atlanta Most Miserable Sports City; Author of this Post Cries

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Atlanta was second to Seattle last year, but with the Seahawks demolishing the Broncos in the Superbowl, Forbes had little trouble putting the ATL atop this year’s list, just as it did in 2012.

As much as I hate to say it, this is spot on.

The greatest day of my life came in October of 1995. On the morning before game 6 of the World Series, a friend’s father, who was on call at the hospital in which he worked as a doctor, offered my dad 4 tickets to the game, provided that he took me and his son, along with another friend of our choice. Long story short, Tom Glavine pitched one of the greatest games in baseball history, Dave Justice hit a clutch home run in the 8th inning, and the Braves won 1-0 to close out the Series. The city went ballistic. I drank my first beer. MARTA was packed with folks of all races who hugged each other and did the Tomahawk Chop. Finally, a championship for my city. I was 14.

I’m now 32 and aside from the Falcons 1998 Superbowl appearance in which they got destroyed by John Elway, “we ain’t found shit.” Last year, when the Braves won the National League East and accordingly bowed out in the first round to the Dodgers, I made the following analogy:

Being an Atlanta sports fan is like getting a handjob (and only a handjob) every day for the rest of your life.

All of our teams are just good enough to make the playoffs (convincing a woman to touch our wiener), but can never, ever, go all the way and win a championship (intercourse).

It’s a brutal cycle. And Atlanta has great fans, despite what any outsider has to say. They see the empty seats on TV at the Ted and automatically think that people don’t give a shit. Hey asshole, you try to get to a game on a Thursday night after work. When the Hawks make the playoffs, something they’ve done for 7 consecutive years now, Philips Arena nearly explodes. The Dome is always packed for Falcons games. Hell, we threw a shitload of trash on the field when the umps shit the bed on a sack fly call in the playoffs!

We travel well too. I’ve have had the opportunity to see the Braves at Wrigley and in Milwaukee at Miller Park, and am convinced that there were more Braves fans in attendance than fans of the home teams. I saw the Falcons play the Steelers at Heinz Field and was quite impressed with the amount of our fans who made that trip for the 2010 season opener.

So yes, there are now three guarantees in life – death, taxes, and an Atlanta playoff loss – but I’ll be damned if anyone says we don’t care. It hurts man.

 

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