Archive | August 2014

WTW Friday Edition: Brother and Sister Caught Doing the Dirty…IN A CHURCH PARKING LOT!!!

GawkerChristopher Buckner, 20, and her half-brother, Timothy Savoy, 25, were arrested by Effingham County, Ga. police after they admitted to having had sex three times in a tractor trailer parked outside of a church. The two apparently told the officer that they decided to have sex after watching The Notebook

Since I have a real job I could get to the White Trash Wednesday until today, but man am I glad I waited. Doesn’t get any White Trashier than this. And fucking disgusting. God Damn it why did this have to happen in Georgia. Well they can pretty much guarantee they are going straight to Hell. Nothing like a night of watching the Notebook, With your sibling, In your Tractor Trailor, Outside a Church, and then…BARF!!!! I just threw up all over my keyboard. And 3 TIMES?!! There is a very hot place in hell for sicko’s like this.

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Surprise Surprise, An SEC Player Popped on Weed Charges…Hotty Toddy Edition

Ole Miss freshman hopeful WR Sammie Epps was arrested last week for pot.  As reported by the Clarion Ledger, Epps was held at the Laffayette County Detention Center, booked on the marijuana charge and also driving without a license. Just wanted to say two things  A: why the fuck are you driving without a license, even in never-go-over-30mph’s Oxford town and B: why didn’t you eat that shit dude! Always munch on your nugs when you see the red and blue behind you!  Epps was reportedly dressed out for practice the following Monday.  The Rebels open their season against Boise State Tonight at 7pm Eastern in the Georgia Dome.

Hotty Toddy bitches!

West Virginia QB Claims His First Kiss Was With Nick Saban’s Daughter…And Then He Died!!

This kid either has a death wish or some Stone Mountain sized balls. QB Clint Trickett did grow up in College Football. His dad has been a long time Assistant Coach for several schools. But to tell a reporter that his 1st kiss was Saban’s daughter a week before they play Alabama is like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets. I mean come on dude, at least wait until you’ve gotten blown out by 30 and then tell the media “Oh well, at least I made out with Saban’s Daughter”. I don’t care if they were 6 and playing house, Saban will get his revenge.

PS. And she’s engaged? Can you imagine the nerve it would take to ask Satan himself for his daughters hand in marriage? Balls I tell you Big HUGE BALLS.

Number of Arrests for SEC Schools from 2010-2013

Courtesy of @RedditCFB

124 Arrests total. Good God!! Looks like Missouri was a great fit into the SEC. Where you at Texas A&M? Get with the fucking program you stiffs. I don’t care if you are a Military ROTC school. Those guys are usually the craziest fuckers around. Start a bar fight or donkey punch some Cleat chaser, shit. I’m guessing Saban has the Tuscaloosa PD on the payroll because 7 can’t be right. And I swear Tennessee has more than 5 as well. I’m pretty sure they doubled that in 2014 but that was just a raging house party so it shouldn’t count. UGA and Florida are keeping their solid reputation as the Criminals of the Conference. Hey I lived in Athens and I don’t know anyone who wasn’t arrested at some point or another. You should be given 1 “Get out of Jail Free” Card whenever you start school there. Factor it into Tuition somehow.

Here’s a Breakdown of UGA Arrests

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Alabama Family Photo…It’s a Doozy!!

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Well one good thing Bama fans are good for is good laugh. Holy shit!! This is a Christmas Card if I’ve ever seen one. Only thing missing is that dudes Ass Crack hanging out.  Guess he decided to class it up for family picture day. There is so much wrong with this picture. One being him and his wife’s fat asses in the fore front. Lil Man is within inches of getting squished to his death. You know these kids are named Saban, Bear, Crimson, and Tide too. Thanks for the Laughs Bama Fans!!

WTW: Florida Women Arrested; Encouraged Child to Pee in Shampoo Bottle

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Veronica Cabanas and Cathleen Ibanez were both arrested for driving under the influence last week in Pembroke Pines, Florida. Both women had prescription pills on them without a prescription. Additionally, Cabanas’ daughter was not secured in a child seat, which is required by law.

All of this seems pretty typical for Florida residents, but the events leading up to the arrest were anything but normal.

According to CBS Miami, police were called to a beauty supply store where authorities say Cabanas and Ibanez were “causing a disturbance.”

The disturbance? Cabanas, according to the police report, WAS TRYING TO HAVE HER CHILD URINATE IN A BEAUTY BOTTLE and both women were throwing products around the store.

Let’s just imagine this scene for a moment. Two skanks, driving around Florida drunk and high on pills, on a weekday, decided to drop by the local Sally Beauty with a two-year old. Great day, right? Oh, but then the 2-year old girl had to ruin the fun by asking to go to the bathroom! Why stop the party sweetheart? Just use this bottle of Head and Shoulders and we’ll be on our way!

SEC 2014 Predictions: East and West Champs

SEC East Champions: GEORGIA BULLDOGS

Call me Bias. Call me a Homer. Call me a fucking idiot. And then kiss my ass. I AM Bias. I AM a Homer. I AM can be a fucking idiot. But I’m not putting the Dawgs on top of the East because I’m a UGA fan. I’m putting them there because I think they are the best team in a down East. They do have a few question marks in Hutson Mason and their Secondary. The key to Hutson Mason’s success is limiting his mistakes and getting the ball to his playmakers. I also think this what Mason is best at. He knows the system and knows where to go with the ball. And most of all, He has the beast in Todd “TG3” Gurley behind him. Gurley is THE BEST RB in the country. The Dawgs will go as far as TG3 carries them.

As for the Defense and specifically the Secondary, I think Jeremy Pruitt is the Defensive Coordinator UGA has been looking for since BVG. He is demanding and a winner. I don’t think he’ll be afraid to get in their face and “Motherfuck” someone. He and Richt got rid of the punk ass kids who would rather goof around than contend for National Championships and made the entire D start from scratch. After the Grantham “Era” that’s exactly what they needed.

PREDICTION: 11-1 (7-1 in SEC)

SEC West Champs: Alabama Crimson Tide

Damn that’s some serious Hardware. Love em or Hate em…everyone is jealous of their success. When you have been the best team in College Football damn near year in and year out your gonna be hated. And especially when you have dipshit redneck pieces of shit fans. Not all Bama fans. I have plenty of Bama friends. And they will even be the 1st to say they have some piece of shit fans. But between them, Saban, and those rings, Alabama is the most hated team in College Football. And Guess what? You’re gonna hate them again this year.

I think the West will be decided again by the Iron Bowl. However, with the game being in Tuscaloosa this year and the Kick Six from last year, no way Saban doesn’t have his team ready for redemption.

The Crimson Tide still don’t know who will be their starting QB this year but with the RB’s (Yeldon, Henry, and Drake) they have, I could probably play QB and win 9 games. Sims and Coker will probably both see plenty of time this season. Their D will be tough as always, that is what Saban and Bama are known for. It won’t be as easy for Bama as past years but I still give them the “Upper Hand” because of the Upper Hand.

PREDICTION: 11-1 (7-1 in SEC)

STAY TUNED FOR MY SEC CHAMPIONSHIP PREDICTION!!

Hard Knocks: Episode 3 Recap

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Aside from the third trimester abortion against the Texans and losing Sam Baker for the entire year (which might not actually be a bad thing), this is a damn good episode.

The first ten minutes of the show looked more like a medical documentary than a show about football. Marquis Spruill apparently signed a waiver allowing HBO to film his ACL surgery, and holy shit did they ever invade his space. In a scene not for the weak stomach, the cameras get up close and personal, cleaning shit out of the knee, screwing shit in the knee, and grafting skin to cover shit on the knee. It was fucking sick. 

Some boring footage of Steven Jackson in the pool and Kroy Biermann dipping comes next, but what followed afterwards was flat out shocking:  Defensive line coach Bryan Cox has a 30 year old daughter.

Bryan Cox is 46.

“I told you, I started fucking when I was 10,” Cox said defiantly, as he scolded one player for following his daughter on Instagram.

Next, Falcons fans finally get some footage of their beloved Julio Jones and Matt Ryan, who actually drops several F-bombs in this episode and even tells a dirty joke.

The Falcons then traveled to Houston to practice with and play a preseason game against the Texans. The game itself was awful, with the Birds getting their asses handed to them. Starting left tackle Sam Baker tore his patellar tendon and is out for the season. 

Some other highlights:

  • Jake Matthews is the real fucking deal. He took on JJ Watt in practice and held his own. Fuckin stud.
  • William Moore has decent freestyle skills.
  • Harry Douglas, despite his horrible bowling technique in which he throws the ball about 10 feet in the air, with spin, appears to be a damn good bowler.
  • TJ Yates doesn’t know the playbook worth a shit, but everyone in the Texans organization loves him.
  • Devonta Freeman continues to look like a legitimate starting running back in the NFL.
  • Mike Smith still wears  awful sandals

Louisville Fan Goes H.A.M. on “Optimistical” CATS Fans

This Video gets me more hyped for Football season than anything. This what its all about. Drunk ass fans talking shit to their rivals. That’s what I’m fucking talking about…WOOO!!!! I love the passions this kid shows. He’s so fucking hyped, or Drunk, that he’s just making up fucking words. And this is Louisville and Kentucky FOOTBALL he’s talking about. Not Georgia/Florida. Not Michigan/Ohio State. Not Auburn/Alabama. Football season is in the Air Motherfuckers. Every fan should be “Optimistical” going into the season. It’s the beauty of College Football. And the better part is any fan’s dreams can be crushed after week one as well. GET HYPED!!!

PS. How about the Bags under this kids eyes. Look like he’s been on a week long bender!! Fuck it…Keep the bender going. 9 More Days til Kickoff!!

Manziel or Vick? Which QB “Hung the Bird” Better?

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By now, I’m sure you’ve all had a chance to see what Johnny Football did last night. Hell, it’s the top story on ESPN.com. But let’s not forget – Michael Vick did the same thing back in 2006. 

So who did it better? Manziel had his back turned to his victim, walking away from the Redskins bench. Vick looked his hometown fans right in the mouth and said “fuck you.” Manziel’s bird came during a preseason game in which he was a backup. Vick pulled his off after a fourth consecutive regular season loss. 

All eyes were no doubt on both quarterbacks, and neither seem[ed] to give a flying fuck.

So what’s next for Mr. Football? If the events following Vick’s “flip off” are any indicator of what might follow, Manziel should never leave his house. Almost 1 year to the day of Vick’s gesture, the quarterback turned himself in to U.S. Marshals in order to begin serving a 23-month prison sentence for dogfighting. 

Good luck Johnny.