Archive | July 7, 2014

Johnny Football Rolling up $20 Bill in the Bathroom…Toot Toot!!

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Oh Johnny Football don’t “BLOW” it. Yep had to throw that Pun in there. I’m not saying, I’m just saying. God I hope Johnny Football isn’t dabbing in the nose candy. Holy shit could you imaging the fucking shit storm that would cause? I mean Johnny Football is a trend setter. Maybe he’s coming up with a new way to carry his money. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone roll up a bill (in a bathroom) unless they are about to blow a line.  I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt though because he can’t be that fucking stupid. Monday’s are now turning into “What did Johnny Football Do over the Weekend”. He’s poppin bottles in Houston with Floatable Swans. He’s in Vegas with Gronk. He’s taking Selfies with Money Mayweather and Dickbag Bieber. And now he’s rolling up bills in the bathroom. At this rate, someone will find him in an alley in Tijuana getting ass raped outside a Donkey Show before training camp even starts. I’m all for Johnny Football living his life and partying like a rock star but he has to stay off Social Media for a while and pay a buddy to keep people from flashing pics of him in the pisser.

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July’s Heisman Odds…Yeah you heard me.

The greatest part of the year is creeping up on us once again. In just seven weeks we will finally be back to college football. The unofficial season starts up on Thursday, August 28, which will be headlined by the Manziel-less Aggies heading to Columbia to face the somewhat rebuilding Gamecocks.

Normally, I find the media’s coverage of the Heisman race nauseating, however you can gamble on it; so I tolerate it. This season will have no shortage of experienced frontrunners with reigning Heisman winner Jameis Winston starting his second campaign and guys like Macus Mariota, Bryce Petty, and Braxton Miller all deciding to return to school. As nice as it is to have familiar faces on top of the Heisman betting odds list, the last five Heisman winners have been relative long shots. All of the odds are courtesy of the Bovada Las Vegas sports book.

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More Poor Defense from Cuban Outfielder Leads to Great Play

These Cuban outfielders are fucking mavericks. A few weeks back, we saw Yoennis Cespedes shit the bed twice, resulting in HOLY SHIT AMAZING throws to thwart runners trying to gain an extra base.

Here, Yasiel Puig misjudges the shit out of a fly ball, recovers, unnecessarily dives, makes catch, and then baits slow-as-fuck catcher Wilin Rosario into tagging up and advancing to third.

Little did Rosario know that it was all an act. He was thrown out at third base by a good 10 feet.

Minor League Pitcher Channels Randy Johnson, Kills Bird with Pitch

Jon Maciel of the West Michigan Whitecaps, a Detroit Tigers affiliate, did this over the weekend:

It’s tough to see what actually happens until later in the broadcast when they slow it down during the replay, but holy shit…for this to happen again is simply amazing. What are the odds, you might ask? Well, apparently some physics geeks discussed this in a thread a few years back.

Apparently, this isn’t that odd. A google search for “Randy Johnson bird” reveals yet another incident from 2012.

You’d think that birds would have spread the word by now. DON’T FLY INTO BASEBALL FIELDS DURING A GAME, OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE.

Or maybe these are all just suicide attempts. I suppose flying around all day, pissing people off, scavenging food, and dropping white liquid shits on car windshields isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.