Giancarlo Stanton Makes Case For Home Run Derby…Gattis Next?

Earlier today, ESPN’s Jayson Stark reported that Giancarlo Stanton has been very candid about his intentions to represent the National League in this year’s Home Run Derby.

“It would be fun,” Stanton told ESPN.com on Tuesday. “I was unfortunate in 2012. I was, what, half a day from being in one? So it would be fun to get my second chance at it.”

This is fucking great. Unlike those superstar pussies in the NBA, who tend to shy away from the dunk contest, often resulting in mediocre dog shit like this, it’s wonderful to see a guy who HITS 500 FOOT BOMBS get out there and openly lobby to do his thing. I can’t wait.

Stanton being in the Derby is not necessarily a lock; National League Home Run Derby captain Troy Tulowitzki has yet to make his selections, but who wouldn’t want Stanton, a guy who hits about 90% of his home runs in excess of 450 feet (or some crazy shit like that)?

On deck: Evan Gattis. Atlanta’s own Roy Hobbs, former janitor, and all around beast of a man has got to be in this thing. He’s the closest thing we’ll ever see to Josh Hamilton (and we all remember what he did at Yankee Stadium a few years back). He’s having a helluva year at the plate, and is virtually a lock to be in the All-Star game in Minnesota anyways, so why not invite him, Tulo?

I swear, if I have to watch a douche bag like Yasiel Puig, or some non-homerun-hitting nice guy like Michael Cuddyer in this thing over Gattis or Stanton, I will throw feces at my living room walls. You know that flashy horse’s ass Puig will come out there draped in a Cuban flag or some dumb shit. He’s such a prick. Go get another speeding ticket Yasiel.

It’s bad enough that we have to deal with that POMPOUS DICKHEAD Chris Berman (back-back-back-back-please-die) each year; at least put the mashers on display for the whole world to see.

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