Pig With Poop on Balls > BJ Upton


I came across an interesting article earlier this morning, part of Mark Bradley’s blog on the AJC. Simple enough…Bradley essentially just came up with how he would fashion the Braves lineup if he ran the joint, and how terrible BJ Upton is. It got me thinking. Obviously, The Braves have a putrid offense, only 17 runs ahead of the god awful San Diego Padres for second to last in all of Major League Baseball, yet somehow remain tied for first place atop the grotesque NL East.

Bradley offers a decent strategy with his lineup, and one I partially agree with. Rookie second baseman Tommy La Stella is a step in the right direction at #2 – he makes contact, hits the ball to all fields, and strikes out at a rate at what seems exponentially less than previous meathead Dan Uggla. 

Bradley still keeps BJ Upton in the lineup, albeit in the 9-hole. Mine differs slightly. 

Bradley’s Lineup:                                     My Lineup:

1. Jason Heyward                                   1. Jason Heyward

2. Tommy La Stella                                2. Tommy La Stella

3. Justin Upton                                        3. Freddie Freeman

4. Evan Gattis                                           4. Evan Gattis

5. Freddie Freeman                               5. Justin Upton

6. Chris Johnson                                     6. Chris Johnson

7. Andrelton Simmons                        7. Andrelton Simmons

8. (Pitcher)                                                8. Pig With Poop on His Balls

9. BJ Upton                                            9. (Pitcher)

Obviously, the point is that (INSERT SOMETHING AWFUL HERE) is greater than BJ Upton. ESPN commenters went crazy with this idea a few years back. It’s unlikely that this will reach such an incredible level, but I’d probably rather have Tebow hitting eighth than Bossman, Jr. at this point. 

What else is greater than BJ Upton? Sound off in the comments.

7 responses to “Pig With Poop on Balls > BJ Upton”

  1. TBall says :

    You called he shit, “poop”.


  2. TBall says :

    How about Otis Nixon? Not the Otis that scaled walls and robbed HR. Otis today after a week long binge. Yep, I’d take 50 year old Otis on a binge.


  3. HotCarl says :

    That pig has mad skills balancing that turd on his balls. You cant teach that kinda talent…your’e fuckn born with it.


  4. Clower says :

    LeBron for the last 3:59 of Finals game 1 > B.J. Upton.


  5. TBall says :

    Smalls from the Sandlot…and damn those are some enormous balls


  6. Clower says :

    Kevin Ware in the Elite 8 against Duke > B.J. Upton.


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